The Curse of Facebook

How do I say this?

Facebook is the devil. A brilliant, evil, time sucking devil. That I love, dearly. It's one of my favorite ways to waste time: I love seeing all the people I've ever met ever in the history of the world, lined up in small clips so that I can easily stalk their existence, breaking our relationship down in small, single sentence quips that belie the true tempestuous nature of relationships. I love the stupid social games that force me to beg copper pipes off friends and family, although I do try to be considerate of those that don't play.

I do wonder, though, how HEALTHY all of it is. One of the natural functions of relationships is the ending. It's an important part, although painful. People NEED to outgrow each other and move on. When I was young, I saw it as a personal rejection, as everyone from high school went to their separate states and separate worlds, and I was went from being surrounded constantly by a gaggle of giggling girls to living alone in a small apartment, it was crushing. Facebook wasn't around then (yes, I'm that old) and myspace was a year or two in the future. I clung to the few people I knew locally with borderline psychotic terror.

Fast forward *ahem* SOME years. A lot of years. Man, they go by so incredibly fast. A high school acquaintance that I barely knew when I went to school back in the stone ages has passed on. I'm in real mourning. I knew she was sick, although she kept that incredible attitude most days that only the truly ill can seem to. Not like when I stub my toe and curse the pain and carry on like a whiny little girl. Strong.

I grew to like her more than I even knew her in high school. I often read what she wrote with greedy eyes, along with everyone else in my "timeline", this girl who I can't remember if I even spoke to during the hectic time of high school. Rest in peace, Mary. I hope your husband finds some comfort.

All of this sadness this morning makes me wonder how wise my relationship with Facebook is. I mean, really. Is it better to follow the natural rhythm of life, which means out growing each other, or is it better to keep all people past in a list that you can constantly check? Can you move past old romances and ancient drama if it's highlighted for you daily in blue and white? Is it better to wonder occasionally what happened to so and so, or to know?

Is facebook a blessing or a curse?

Things You'll Never Get to Eat Again

My grandmother was a terrible cook.

I say that with the utmost of love and respect. The fact that she rarely did it may have had something to do with it, but in the span of my life, I remember more disasters than dishes. There was the Thanksgiving stuffing that floated in a pool of muddy liquid with large chunks of garlic and onion floating on the top...the salty soap soup that she produced in mass quantities whenever one of us felt ill. She carted the soup in Ziploc baggies all the way to where ever we were living at the time. As bad as it tasted, nothing was to be wasted, and she ate bowl after bowl of whatever she created, without so much as a blink.

Understandably, we dinnered at the local diners most often, where she would hit the salad bar with abandon, topping cottage cheese with french dressing and pronouncing it "Delish" years ahead of Rachel Ray.

Man, I miss that woman.

There were a couple things, though, that would make your head spin and your mouth water...things that were just too good to believe. A chocolate bundt cake that took seven eggs..SEVEN EGGS and she would go on about the expense and decadence of using seven eggs, which would quickly fade into the pizzas her own mother would make during the Depression, and the veggies she grew in pots on the fire escape, and how, even when there was no money and no jobs her mom always had a meal for the hungry on hand, along with plenty of food for her own large family.

She also made this fantastic fried apple pie. It was flaky and crumbly and sort of, well, dry, as in it didn't have the kind of syrupy apple pie filling that you would normally think of when you think apple pie. They were fantastic, and my mother's favorite. It occurred to me in a rare moment of clarity during my wild twenties that I should ask her to show me how to make them.

It was too late. She was already far too ill and far too tired and sliding rapidly towards the end of her life. I may as well have asked her to climb Mount Everest.

I'll openly admit I don't often try to replicate the recipes. Seven eggs is ridiculous amount for one cake, and frying an apple pie is a bit like gilding the lily and twice as fattening. I choose rather to think about the amazing woman who used to make these things for me with such love and dedication and take a moment to miss her instead, knowing full well that the secret is probably something the adult me WOULD NEVER put in her mouth.

I miss you, Grandma. You were totally awesome.

Stockpile goods up for grabs: Place your bids here!

It's getting closer, and closer, and closer: six weeks is NOT a lot of time to pare an entire household down to a trailer. I've got a stockpile roughly the size of the entire house to get rid of, forms of currency accepted include bartering, begging, pleading, whining. All bids should include a form of barter: for instance, what you want, plus what you are willing to do for it, and possibly a good sob story or some whining for my reading pleasure. You can send your bids to my cell phone, my email, my facebook, my husband or leave a comment here (preferred). Cash is NOT an option, it will not amuse me in the slightest and I require entertainment at the present.

Free babysitting offers get preference: no smoking environments only, and no serial killers, sex offenders, or anything else that freaks me out. This includes any number of items and should not be seen as an insult. I'm a weird helicopter parent and I know it.

Up for grabs:

six bottles of Dial lotion
twelve bottles of Garnier Fructis shampoo and conditioner
various bottles of Pantene shampoo and conditioner
Centrum Omegas
Crest Pro Health mouth wash, large bottles
Bread crumbs. Almost unlimited, multiple flavors
Flipz chocolate covered pretzels, several dozen
Taco shells, hard, about 8 packages
taco shells, soft, small, flour
cranberry sauce, ten
flavored vinegar, five, too lazy to walk downstairs and see WHAT flavors.
Shaving cream, womens, mango skintimate, about 12 bottles
Olay face soap, Regenerist, two bottles
Olay body wash, several varieties, several bottles.
All purpose flour, Wegmans, 3 bags
More items to come: I have to clean up from the massive lunch I just made my kids before I go downstairs again. Feel free to place requests, I'll take a look and get back to you!

The Big Move...possibly

Okay, as of now everyone that needed to know does know- we are seriously considering a cross country move for my husband's company at the end of May/beginning of June. He works for a major wireless carrier and they are closing the location he works at. The job situation around here is not the worst in the country, but still pretty grim, and we are wracking our brains daily trying to figure things out, in both directions.

It's not fun. Or it is kind of fun. Not sure which. I could totally geocache my way across the country and I've seen pictures of Colorado, it looks awesome. And staying here with very few prospects of a good paying job for my hubs is uber-scary. However, all our family is here, so it would literally mean starting over completely on our own.

With new furniture. (Gotta look at the positives, you know?)

I'm at a loss. I've seriously stopped couponing, and am really surprised how quickly we are moving through what I thought was a never ending stockpile of cereal and pasta. I obviously don't want to pay to move the whole thing- it would cost more to move it then it did to buy it.

We're arranging yard sales and selling vehicles and it's all very matter-of-fact and calm and you would think we weren't making the biggest decision of our lives in the process of deciding which knickknacks to sell off and which items will make it into the tiny amount of allotted moving space we'll have. So that's the big, scary news I've been NOT discussing.

And on a lighter note, anyone wanna buy anything out of my house? I'll sell it to ya, cheap.

What I'm thankful for today-pancake breakfasts and smart little girls

In the midst of all that is going on right now (more on that later), I need to take a minute to think about how thankful I am about all I have. Oh, I keep saying, "more on that later" because there are huge changes coming in our lives, big, epic changes and I have to actually TALK to everyone involved rather than posting a blog post and then dealing with my phone ringing off the hook. So until I actually GET to talk to everyone (and I think some of you are being deliberately evasive) I will keep saying "more on that later."

This morning started off badly. Right around 8 am a gigantic semi lumbered down the street and woke up the dog, who freaked out maniacally and ran about the house barking like the idiot that she is. The baby promptly sat up, grabbed a handful of my hair, yanked at it, and shouted, "I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, let's go downstairs. The middle child shouted back, "leave me alone! I'm trying to sleep!"-That's my girl!

They've been shouting at each other ever since. I got breakfast orders shouted at me..(remember your good manners) then re-phrased and shouted again with the quick addition of "please" at the end. "I want cereal, I want juice, I want bagels, PLEASE." The K cup couldn't wake me up fast enough, in fact, my eyes still have that burning sensation that says I didn't sleep enough.

Big Yawn.

Today I'm thankful for yesterday, when I woke up to coffee already made for me with sugar in it so it was fantastic. I don't put sugar in my own coffee, too many calories, so my husband's coffee is like starting the day off with a fabulous creme brulee. I'm thankful I didn't have to deal with the breakfast demands as he made pancakes with strawberries and chocolate chips in them and the kids had several helpings and I had guilt.

I'm thankful that my middle child is smart enough to look at the pre-school work sheets I printed out for her and let me know that they aren't advanced enough, as she yanks them off the printer and completes them before I have a chance to go over the instructions with her. Maybe I should be a little more aware of these things? Or maybe I should wait till after the third cup of coffee for preschool?

What I'm buying this week: Giant and CVS.

Have you started getting your coupons? If you have, there are some good deals to be had.

At Giant I'll be buying:
3 Packages of Italian sausage and brats.
4 packages of Huggies baby wipes
5 packages of Dixie plates and cups
1 spiral sliced ham
12 packages of Capri Sun drinks
1 kraft bbq sauce

I will use:
3 Buy 3 get 1 free Capri sun coupons. (got these two weeks ago, Express Times)
2 ($1) off 2 Baby wipes from Today's Express.
1- get an extra 30 cents off per gallon when you spend $50 from this weeks Giant circular.

I will receive: $1.10 off per gallon of gas, $7 Instant savings for the Capri Suns, so my total should be just over $50 for all of the above, plus $30 in gas. I would do this more than once if things weren't so up in the air right now...more on that later.

Also worth noting: Giant has pretty decent looking asparagus and strawberries for reasonable prices right now: The asparagus is $1.99 a lb, and the strawberries are bogo for $3.99, making them about two bucks a container. These are my "treat" prices- meaning, it's not cheap enough to go buy a ton, but if there's some wiggle room in the grocery budget MissAngelTween and I will have some roasted asparagus. No one else likes it.


CVS has some good freebies as well:
Allegra allergy medicine is $6.49. Some papers got a $7 off one, but the Express didn't. I haven't looked at the Star Ledger yet, but if you got this coupon, that's a no brainer. Free Allergy medicine? Yes, please.

L'oreal skin/haircare has a deal this week, when you buy $25 you get $10 extrabucks. These are $25 after sale prices, but BEFORE coupons. It's only certain items, so make sure you are certain before you make your selections. I like to get the Go 360's when this sale comes around, they are MissAngelTween's fave. I still have about a dozen from the last two sales, so I won't be partaking, but you can do this deal if you've got the coupons:

Buy 6- Go360Clean face washes with the little scrublet.
Use 6- $1 off 1 L'oreal cleanser coupons from the Express Times 3/04.
Total Pre coupon: $26.34
Total after coupons: $20.34
Get $10 in store credit. (Extra buck coupon) in the coupon world they'd say that you spent $10 on 6, but remember, you really actually did spend $20. It's important to actually keep track of the cash you are spending, because it's super easy to overspend when you are getting items 70% to 90% off.

I probably am going to grab some of the tums freshers: they are on sale for $3.99, with a $1.75 off one coupon in today's Express, and a $1 extrabuck reward.

Also worth noting: Free contact solution! Buy one Complete multipurpose contact solution at $8.99, get $8.99 in store credit.

What I would do this week if I was stocking up:

$1- Buy the contact solution. Get the extrabucks.

#2- Get 6 of the L'oreal cleansers. Use the $8.99 Extra bucks to bring my out of pocket down to $11.35. Get $10 in Extra bucks.

#4- Go back through the store and select Easter Candy items, plus the tums freshers, and use coupons that are available for those. There are a lot of coupon databases available, as usual, I like to use livingrichwithcoupons.com or forthemommas.com to get an idea of what's available before I head out. Or, I may take the $10 EBs and get 4 cases of coke.

If you prefer Revlon products, there's a pretty sweet deal on those as well: Buy $15, get $7 back. I used my $1 off Revlon coupons ages ago, but if you've got them, there's some interesting deals floating around out there.

Keep in mind, these are just the deals that I'm doing this week. I encourage you to check out for the mommas for more detailed ideas- I'm NOT filling up my stock pile right now, so my grocery shopping is pretty minimal.

Now I have to go hug my youngest. I made her get off my lap long enough to type this and I think she now needs epic amounts of therapy.

Couponing; Step 1- get coupons

Okay, uber-success! Day 2 or 3 or 4 or something and I'm posting again. Well, I've actually started several posts, but getting them all the way done without having a meltdown is kind of an issue.

So, this is one of those deal getting posts aimed at all the t-mobile people about to be either jobless, or surprisingly on an almost impromptu road trip to the land of enchantment. (more on that later)

The first part of couponing is obviously, well, having coupons. As in, more than one. Of each. I like three to four papers a week. This gives me enough to complete most drug store deals and most gas deals that I like. Locally, I buy one Star Ledger, Two Express Times, and then I bum one paper's worth of coupons off a friend or relative if I need more. (Love all of you. :D)

I find this is a good ratio for me. Other options including buying clipped coupons on the web, which is, of course, not legal, but it is done quite often. It is almost always necessary to have more than one of a coupon to get the cheapest price per item.

A printer is also kind of a good thing to have. Coupon deals have been done for ages without one and will continue to be done without them, but some of the best coupons show up online, so you are at a disadvantage if you don't print. Remember to shut off your color and print in black and white for the cheapest printables.

You will also need to sort your coupons: I keep a basket of hefty gallon sized bags labelled by date next to the couch, but I'm currently working on something a little less dumpster chic. I do NOT cut coupons until I need them. Waste of time and not nearly as easy to find.

So that's step one. Get some coupons. Up tomorrow: Where to find out what coupons are going to show up in your paper.

Maybe you should start blogging again....

This is something I've heard a bunch of times. And I tried...really I did. But there were sunshine-y days and little girl smiles and deals to be had and errands to be run and all the little bits of life that make the world turn to be done.

*Big, deep sigh.*

The truth is, I didn't NEED to blog right that minute. I had many busy things to do, things that kept my interest and took the place of the therapy that is the written word. Now, as our life changes again outside of our control, I kind of need this therapy again. So, if you will, here I go again.

My husbands call center is closing. In 12 short weeks. 12 weeks, and the world we've built so carefully changes. Life is not in my control anymore, and this is a very scary place for me. Add to that the fact that my mother has managed to spiral into the realms of insanity yet again, and I may be bending your ear more than you'd like. Nothing like the free realm of the internet to ground you.

At least, I hope.

Also, I'm going to try to keep up with some of the local grocery deals on diapers and things like that. There are a bunch of people in that call center having babies (cue more tears, don't know why I'm so emotional about this) and I figure that I can at least help them get things cheap during the transition time.

So, what do you say, should we try this again?


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One word. Pinterest.

I knew I should have waited until my diet was over to join.

I don't NEED to look at an entire blog dedicated to smores.

But I am. At 115 am.

This is NEVER GOOD. Oh, but the pictures are worth looking at, so go, for the love of all that is holy, go!

#TeamAmelia

For those of you who don't know, I'm a moderator for the small Make a Difference group on Cafemom. That's where I first saw this story posted, last night, and it's a heartbreaker.

I'm going to direct you, now, to the story in Mom's own words. I can't actually finish this story without crying, can't look at my sweet girls without thinking for the millionth time how blessed I am in their health, can't imagine ever having to hear that my child was being denied life saving treatment because of a delay.

I can't type this out without tears.

I'm not a medical professional. I don't know if there is some medical reason behind this extremely unprofessional behavior (see mom's story)- but I DO know this can't really be happening.

Can it? Can a doctor actually look at a child and find her unworthy of life? Is this really happening, today, now, in America?

Have we regressed to Nazi Germany? Have we become so calloused that only those deemed worthy receive lifesaving treatments and the rest are left to die in agony?

Is this REALLY HAPPENING? Such discrimination, such callousness, such disregard for the life of a young child, by the very people who are supposed to advocate for the health of children?

I know, by mom's words, that it is happening. I have no doubt in her honesty, her anger, her pain. I just can't wrap my brain around this injustice. This is a child, a child who needs help, a child who has a large family that will donate the organ- it's just the procedure that is needed, and the hospital is denying her a chance at life.

Because she is "retarded." I didn't think the medical community even used that word any more- I thought we, as a society, had moved past such veiled insults, I thought we'd moved to a point where we recognized these individuals for what they had to offer, not the amount of chromosomes that they drew in a twisted game of genetic lottery.

I thought society had, in fact, grown up.

I'm hoping that the general outcry will change CHOP's mind. I hope that the story ends in a beautiful, sunshine-y, rainbow-y sort of way that fits Amelia's beautiful smile. I hope, in a few short months, this is but a memory of a (formerly employed) doctor's bad bedside mannerisms and the world moves on to give Amelia all she deserves, but I still can't believe that we are here, right now, having this conversation, simply because a child is delayed.


You can sign the petition to change CHOP's mind here. As much comfort as I can offer through the virtual world goes out to Amelia's amazing mom- you keep fighting, momma. We're all behind you.

Rainy Day Blues

It's a cold, wet, rainy, icy, gross day.

What a let down from yesterday's fun at Philly's Please touch museum! We've been up for exactly one hour, the house is already trashed, the kids are screaming at each other, "It's my turn!!!! It's my turn!!!! It's my turn!!!!"

I've taken to ignoring them. I've got a lot to do! A house to clean, laundry to get done, posts to do, blog comments to return, and laundry to wash, dinner to cook, and now they've taken to beating each other.

Perhaps I should step in at some point. I'd rather sit and write about how much fun we had YESTERDAY though.

hmmm...the dilemma. I'll be back later. Maybe they'll sleep.

What's the worst thing you've ever done to your kid?

You know the thing I'm talking about.

The moment that you KNOW will be the moment that sends them to the therapist. The moment that you know at least half of their college fund is going to go to an older lady in a tie-dye hoop skirt that burns incense and makes a $100 an hour to say, "and how does that make you feel?"

Well, we had that moment last night. I got home from work around one thirty, after finishing, against all odds, early, but then hanging out and running my mouth for an unGODLY length of time. Not quite yet exhausted, I caught up with the coupon world, adjusted the heat in various rooms, basically enjoyed the quiet of the wee hours and did a bit of nothing.

Eventually I decided that it would be a good idea to go to bed, and I ventured up the stairs, only to find that my side of the bed was being occupied by a blonde oompa loompa, who was sleeping quite peacefully. I tried to nudge her to the middle of the bed, but she whined and reached for my hair.

I'm SO over this kids obsession with my hair. I chopped sixteen inches of it off partially in the hopes that she, like her sisters before her, would stop playing with it incessantly. She, unlike her sisters, prefers flipping the SHORTER ends through chubby fingers, and smacking me in the face with it.

After a minute or two of struggling with the mini-blonde-me who was occupying my spot (seriously, all she was missing was a sign whining about how her entire life was unfair) I gave up and tried to settle on a dozing spot.

There's always the couch. It's got a metal bar roughly the length of my arm running directly through the middle of it, which settles in the center of my rib cage if I lay on it. Also, I prefer to sleep on my stomach, and the couch is just not quite long enough to allow that.

Not a preferable option.

Then, I can always kind of curl myself around and below the oompa loompa. I don't really sleep like this, and I get kicked in the head a lot. And strangled. And slapped in the face with small bits of hair.

What I did next I'm not REALLY proud of...

I crept into the two girls bedroom, picked up my middle child and put her in the youngest's toddler bed, and stretched out in twin.

Yup, I hijacked my kid's bed. At three am. Without turning the lights on. I am an evil mommy.

To be fair, I figured out why my youngest can't sleep in her room. Her toddler bed sounds like a bowl of rice krispies, and my middle child snores like her father and farts in her sleep.

LOUDLY. And then she giggles. And talks. And moves. And goes to the bathroom five dozen times. It's like rooming with a small blonde Urkel. Needless to say I would have been better off on the couch, and I wouldn't have had to make an extra big batch of whole wheat chocolate chip pancakes this morning to make it up to a very aggravated Little Girl.

She said, "Mommy, I don't fit in that bed. I was SQUISHED!"

Man, do I have guilt now.

I am tired. Very, very tired.

It seemed like such a very, very, very good idea to complete four of my six planned shopping trips last night, on both the way to work and on the way home. I lazily hung out at work till around midnight, and then decided to STILL do all my shopping.

The result? Tons of cheap organic cereal, low fat hfcs-free yogurts for the kiddos, cheap soda for the hubs, drugstore goodies for the oldest and the mommy, and one very, very, very tired mother who crawled in bed around three only to be woken up around five by a husband who wanted to know which car to take. It took me ages to get back to sleep from there, because the mini me was sleeping on my head. (No, she still hasn't stopped that).

And so, it's a tired, grumbly sort of day, even more so because in my sleep induced haze I think I must have told my husband to take my car, and therefore cannot go geocaching.

Not a happy camper right now. Plus I have to put away all the the groceries that I got last night and do school and make lunch and well, be a mommy.

I wonder why life doesn't stop when we're tired? It should. There should totally be a pause button that makes it all go away so we can nap.

Okay, it's been five months...

It's been ages, right?

Well, I took (and quit) a job talking politics at Cafemom, then I took (and kept) a job talking charities (also at cafemom). Having left this missive alone for months, I've decided to pick it back up and start again.

Just like that. I've got some product reviews to do, I've been couponing like a maniac, and in the five or six short months that I've left this alone, the girls have grown leaps and bounds, and seventh grade is half over.

I'm about to have an eighth grader. Dammit, I'm still not old. I'm not about to turn...ahem...in twenty one days. I'm... just... not.

I admit, I've been lazy about this, but it's time to get back to writing.

School starts in three days. In. Three. Days.

I'm in a constant, bipolar state, crying that she's leaving, can't wait for her to go, double checking that we have everything, crying again. Miss Angel Tween is entering seventh grade.

I have a seventh grader. I have a twelve year old. Damn all of you, I'm NOT old.

My mood swings seem to follow hers. She's excited, I'm excited. She's scared, I'm the cheerleader. She goes upstairs, uncertain, and I freak out. What if she's right? What if she doesn't have any old friends in the same classes? What if she doesn't do well this year? What if I bought the wrong shirts and it's MY fault she's got no friends?

I wish someone would rip the bandaid off, already. It WILL be fine. With a little luck, I'll be rewarding her with the coveted highlights at the end of the first marking period for great behavior and a job well done. (And no phone calls home regarding twirling.)

We're also starting a new adventure: the homeschooling preschooler. Miss Angel Little Girl wants school, and I want to keep her for another year. I'm greedy like that. The compromise: We are to play school for three hours every day.

I think making all the alphabet sounds may finally completely puree my already majorly mushy brain, but I'm going to go for it. So, here's an apology in advance if this badly attended missive degrades into a horrible mass of single syllabled awfulness. My brain will probably be too mushy to notice.

Yup, shopping again!

What a day today has been! The little girls are avoiding me because I'm in a BAD mood. That means I've been cleaning. I hate cleaning, but with the amount I shop if I don't do it occasionally the cast of Hoarders is going to show up with a social worker. True story.

So, I indulged in a little retail therapy after the ritual scrubbing. Actually, more like DURING the ritual scrubbing, because kind of halfway through I just sat down at the computer and gave myself a plastic workout.

Unfortunately, it doesn't take the same shape it used to. Once upon a time, retail therapy meant new shoes and sparkly new nails- now it means a slew of new nightclothes for the little ladies.

The Disney store is having a sale: all of the codes for the discounts are on the home page. 40% off the already low sales prices. Yay. And I mean that with the utmost of enthusiasm.

Now, in order to stave off the rest of the ritual scrubbing, I'm going to go ahead and visit you all. :)

Just to be clear, spambots, nobody's looking at your penises or your unlock iphone promises. I refuse to captcha to cover up your hooha. Blogger doesn't publish your posts anyway, so all it does is make me click two extra times to obliterate all your hard work. Maybe spam somebody else, mmmkay?

My poor blog is languishing here...but there's one freebie I had to write about.

I promise a good update tomorrow. Maybe. Right now, I'm enjoying my kids for the summmer. Out to the kiddie pool I go!

Freebies for today!
You must, must, must, take all your fabulous photos over to mixbook to create a 8.5X11 landscape hardcover book for FREE! Use code FREEBK to save the cost of the book plus shipping. That's a forty dollar value.

I'll see you all on the weekend. If I don't write, I'll at least do some blog comments. I owe some of you!

Tampon Rockets and why you should be nice to the couponer in front of you.

8) She's employing more people than you are with her transaction. That's right, when you whip out your cash, you're only giving the cashier a job. Coupons take many more people to process. Woohoo! for the economy.

8) $150 in coupons stimulates the economy just the same way $150 in cash does, and takes just as much work to produce. Chances are the lady in front of you worked for several hours on her transaction- no different than you going to work and receiving cash. Those are jobs for people.

7) She's not running to the grocery store when there's a storm. When everyone else has to take off running to the local megamart to stock up on bread and milk, SuperCouponer whips open her freezer door.

6) Chances are, if you need to borrow a cup of sugar, flour, pound of pasta, bar of soap, razor, dish detergent, or an arm, your friendly neighborhood couponer can come to your rescue. You're welcome.

5) It's very likely that she's not just cheap. Food is expensive, gas prices are intense, and the kids are home for the summer, and they are BORED. Couponing is a great way to have it all, sans taxpayer-funded assistance. Would you rather wait behind a SuperCouponer with a stack of discounts, or pay her electric bill via Uncle Sam? It's up to you.

4) It's a lot of work to make a hundred and fifty dollar order come down to forty. Instead of rolling your eyes, how about watching in awe and learning a thing or two?

3) She's probably just as frustrated by how long this takes as you are. Most of us don't live for the moments when our checkouts take longer than the actual shopping. I know I don't. It takes every bit of my REALLY LONG FUSE to be patient with a slow cashier, especially when I've laid things out as simply as possible. Today's cashier called the manager THREE TIMES even though the manager had come to approve my coupons as soon as I got into line. So frustrating, and yet, having watched Extreme Couponers (for free on the internet, of course) I understand why. Stop committing fraud, people.

2) She actually does NEED all twelve boxes of tampons. You see, tampons make kick ass rockets for any child who manages five minutes unsupervised in the bathroom. These are far better than any toy in any department store. You see fourteen tubes of free toothpaste and are disgusted: SuperCouponer's children see free fingerpaint for all the walls in the bathroom. You wouldn't want to disappoint the kids, would you?

1) The Zombie Apocalypse is on its way. Be nice to the SuperCouponer and maybe she'll share her stock of personal hygiene products, first aid supplies, and medicines with you when the world is crumbling and no one is producing shampoo anymore and you smell like dead animal. Oh, yeah, and she's probably got chocolate.



Please note: the term Super Couponer replaces extreme couponer. Super Couponers are ethical, follow store rules, are polite, don't clear shelves, and don't do fourteen transactions in one sitting while holding up a line of people.

And my Sunday Morning of shopping comes to a close.

Four AM came early today, folks, and I have to say I've gotten tons accomplished. I picked up my papers, went to four other stores, took my husband out for Father's day, got my good deed in for the day, and am slightly grumpy about my Shoprite trip, since I got there at FIVE MINUTES BEFORE THEY OPENED and they were already sold out of some things I wanted. Seriously? Evidently some extreme couponers have taken to using the employee entrance to get their deals early.

Two words: Rain Check. It appears I'll have to head back down later in the week, though, as the coupon for the conditioner I wanted didn't appear in the local papers. It's on RedPlum.com right now, though, so I'm praying my printer ink gets here before the prints are all taken.

Other good deals at Shoprite:

Scott's sponges, $1.99, $1 off two coupons from the circular a couple of weeks ago.
Bailey's coffee creamer: $.34 after $1 off coupon from this weeks paper.
Hatfield ham steaks: .50 cents each after $2 off coupon from the company's website
Herr's pretzels: .49 after $1 Coupon on the company's website
Sylvania funny curly light bulbs: Free after $1 coupon off the companies website
Huggies swimmies are $6.99. I had $1.50 off coupon AND there's a two dollar credit on savingstar.com. (You can trade these "savings" for gift cards. I'll let you know how it goes.

I did pretty well at the drug stores, of course. At Walgreens I purchase four lipglosses, one nail polish, two half gallons of bleach, and two packages of toilet paper for four dollars.

CVS, I got a bag of Hershey's bliss without spending one cent, along with a pack of gum, and received six dollars off the next purchase, which will be later on in the week.

Riteaid, I got a box of hair color (darn grays) and three tubes of tooth paste, Out of pocket four dollars, but I got eleven back in store credit.

So, all told, I spent about forty dollars, but fourteen of it was on two tomato plants that are nice and big. Although mine ARE finally growing, I want to have tomatoes before December, so I just got a couple of large plants.

So, my good deed for the day. When I stopped to get my newspapers, there was a lady outside having car trouble. She said she didn't need help, so I went to get my papers and chatted for a minute. She was still outside when I left, and she asked me for a ride to her house because she had ice cream melting.

Ice cream melting is almost as bad as alcohol spilling, so I asked her not to murder me and told her to get in the car. Surprisingly, after I said murder two or three times, she still did, and I drove her home. Color me a saint, please.

In other news, I bought the dog children a kennel to lock let them play in when I have something to do. Now my living room has been taking over by various fixtures of vinyl housing, as if it wasn't hard enough to clean already. I can't get the dog to stay in the kennel and I can't get the kids to stay out of it, so we set up a tent in the other corner. I'm not sure how that logic works, but it means the house is constantly filled with the scratching of vinyl on vinyl and bits of dog food that Miss Angel Baby has taken to flinging out of the kennel door.

Any day I'm expecting the cast of Hoarders. Between the couponing, the dog food flinging, and my toothpaste collection, I'm considering professional help, whether in the form of a maid service or a therapist I haven't decided.

Happy Father's Day, all.

I got to SLEEP!!!!!

Today is going to be the best day in the history of the world! Miss Angel Baby slept through the night!

My heart is POUNDING with energy. I can't even describe this feeling, it's so good. I think I'm just going to bask. And clean.

But not before I tell you about this weekends shopping trip! I had a great and yet awkward time at Shoprite, because I'm still not used to shopping this way. It was snack food week at Shoprite, lots of junkie junk food on sale. My goal-to stock up on at least a couple of weeks worth, and bootleg it into the house unnoticed, at approximately half the cost of what we've been paying on one bag of store brand chips a week.

I got away with the first part. I walked through the the store with a mountain of chips, snacks, organic salad mix and yet more body wash, and avoided eye contact with everyone I passed. At this point, I appear to be THAT mom that feeds their kids Cheetos and soda for breakfast. I want to hang a sign on the front of my cart that says, "I'm only buying loss leaders here, people." I've always been kind of haughty about the contents of my cart, a well balanced mix of fruits, veggies, lean proteins, and a miniscule amount of snack food. To walk through a store with a mountain of chips makes me want to crawl under something and hide.

It is saving us money in the long run though. My cart rang up at $100.84 before store card and coupons, and I paid 42.64 out of pocket, with over 33.00 in coupons. I brought home 6 stacks of pringles, four bags of cheese curls, two bags of tortilla chips, a bag of potato chips, two bags of veggie pasta, two tubes of toothpaste, three tubs of organic salad mix, two bottles of body wash, two containers of deodorant, three containers of chocolate milk, two quarts of half and half, three cartons of yogurt, two bottles of Coffee creamer, three stacks of paper plates, a grand total of thirty seven items for $42.64. Not too shabby.

Let me explain the allure of Shoprite- it's their coupon policy. They double everything to full value up to 99 cents, so if you have a $.99 cent coupon, you receive $1.98 off said item. It's like I've died and gone to Heaven, but it is a good half hour away. Fortunately, my dad lives in the same area and the Walgreens is also pretty close to it, so it works out in my Sunday morning rotation.

I know everyone is dying to know how checkout went after last weeks incident, right? Well, we had another incident this week. Totally and completely different, though. As usual, I carefully grouped my items according to coupon and handed the cashier the coupons in the order they were on the belt. She slapped my coupons down on the counter with vigor...I've never seen anyone else so enthusiastic. She didn't call a manager to look at my internet coupons, which I was surprised about, and she meticulously rubbed her fingers over each printed coupon to make sure there weren't two stuck together. (((LOVE)))

When she got to the last two coupons, the register jammed. The better I get at this, the more this happens. She called for a manager key...and here's the incident. We waited. At this point, another customer was behind me, and I was starting to get embarrassed. What felt like an hour and was probably about two minutes passed, with me apologizing to anyone that would listen, and the cashier picked up her phone again, this time turning away from me. (This seems to be a bad habit at Shoprite.) Whatever she said worked, and a girl with a key appeared like magic.

The cashier looked at her and said, "the lady has everything on here, take these coupons off for her, now, please, and don't you dare make her fish through those bags to show you things."

Jaw drop.

Not just at being called a lady, mind you. Mentally, I'm still adjusting to the fact that they let me have children and drive a car and that I can have chocolate cake for breakfast if I want to.

The coupons were removed promptly and without incident, and the manager apologized for making me wait, and I left with my little happy coupon dance. Decent people make all the difference.

I was unable to hide the goodies as the children met me at the front door. So now everyone KNOWS there is more than a months worth of junk food on hand. This is NEVER good.

I did make a trip to Weis last night, however, and I broke their register, as well, despite purchasing over seven dollars worth of balls for the screaming children. For seventeen dollars (removing the cost of the bribe) I brought home four cases of coke, for boxes of Cheerios, two boxes of Berber chicken, and two bags of 8 o'clock coffee. The coffee was a bogo with a two dollar off two coupon right on their site, the Berber chicken was on sale three for ten with two $1.50 off one coupons, the coke is $1.88 each (!!!!!!!!!) when you buy four. The Cheerios are 4 for six dollars, and there are 50 cent off one coupons over the internet, so I paid two dollars for four boxes. The manager came over and said I was saving too much money so they have to double check everything. (Possibly because I self check out at Weis now. Too much trauma.

I promise, my children do get fruits and veggies. Lots of them, actually.