Stockpile goods up for grabs: Place your bids here!

It's getting closer, and closer, and closer: six weeks is NOT a lot of time to pare an entire household down to a trailer. I've got a stockpile roughly the size of the entire house to get rid of, forms of currency accepted include bartering, begging, pleading, whining. All bids should include a form of barter: for instance, what you want, plus what you are willing to do for it, and possibly a good sob story or some whining for my reading pleasure. You can send your bids to my cell phone, my email, my facebook, my husband or leave a comment here (preferred). Cash is NOT an option, it will not amuse me in the slightest and I require entertainment at the present.

Free babysitting offers get preference: no smoking environments only, and no serial killers, sex offenders, or anything else that freaks me out. This includes any number of items and should not be seen as an insult. I'm a weird helicopter parent and I know it.

Up for grabs:

six bottles of Dial lotion
twelve bottles of Garnier Fructis shampoo and conditioner
various bottles of Pantene shampoo and conditioner
Centrum Omegas
Crest Pro Health mouth wash, large bottles
Bread crumbs. Almost unlimited, multiple flavors
Flipz chocolate covered pretzels, several dozen
Taco shells, hard, about 8 packages
taco shells, soft, small, flour
cranberry sauce, ten
flavored vinegar, five, too lazy to walk downstairs and see WHAT flavors.
Shaving cream, womens, mango skintimate, about 12 bottles
Olay face soap, Regenerist, two bottles
Olay body wash, several varieties, several bottles.
All purpose flour, Wegmans, 3 bags
More items to come: I have to clean up from the massive lunch I just made my kids before I go downstairs again. Feel free to place requests, I'll take a look and get back to you!