Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Social Lesson #1- No One in the Play Place is Watching Your Child For You

It is completely and totally apparent that I'm suicidal and want to alienate my entire reader base (all twelve of you.:)

Because I'm going to share a bit of wisdom now, something I apparently know so well it puts me on the brink of neurosis, and something that at least thirty percent of the population has forgotten.

Are you ready for this astounding bit of knowledge? Are you sure?

The play place doesn't come with a babysitter. Unless you've actually employed a child to go in there and watch your little monsters, if you don't go in and watch them, no one is. They are unfettered, free, and beating the ever living day lights out of each other. That lady in the corner holding up a tray like a shield? She's supposed to be cleaning tables, but she's afraid to move. She's not child care.

Don't take this moment to tell me how good your kid is. Because, sans supervision, every one of them is Kevin McCallister.

I'll wait while you Google that.

Got it? Okay, let's move on.

So say you take Johnny to the local burger shack, and you want to sit outside the plastic enclosure and read a magazine or text your bestie or whatever, and your child wants to amble around said hamster cage prior to his nap, you should stop what you are doing now and again, and make sure he's still breathing.


Now, if you want to travel as a pack with forty or fifty OTHER women who have been trapped in their houses with their two or three miniature angels a piece for a week or more, and then unleash these heavenly creatures in a stampeding, destructive tornado into a tiny hamster cage with a neon yellow slide and brightly colored steps, well, let's just say a grown up should sit in the damn hamster cage, and watch the offspring.

Take turns, girls, or hire a sitter, please? Because personally, I'm tired of bringing MY angels to the local hamster cage to have a run, only to have to referee a steal cage match between two children I've never even met, while their moms sit outside discussing the latest deal they've gotten on some swag from another country, picking at their salads and stealing their kids fries, totally oblivious to the fact that their child has just broken another child's finger.

Or at least buy me a milkshake instead of giving me crappy looks after I tell your kid that bloodshed belongs in your backyard and not in public where it can be misconstrued as ketchup.



LaVonne @ Long Wait said...

thank you! I feel like I am the only one that worries about my child in the play enclosure. I am constantly walking around, helping her, and making sure I know where she is. At Chuck E Cheese recently, small children were wandering around and I had to parent them too! I don't like it either. Pay attention to your kids people!

Clayton said...

Heather, only you would tell a random five ye old...bloodshed belongs in your backyard and not in public where it can be misconstrued as ketchup.... yet you wonder why your getting strange looks... don't get me wrong I'm on board with you ...Watch your kids and don't bleed in the ketchup.... but not the best approach in this situation .... now sweeping the leg and knocking the lil prick over... now that's affective and you'd feel better about yourself...

lovinangels said...

And yet another, good reasonable reason to watch your kid. Either do it, or risk the crazy lady improperly correcting your children when she should be knocking them to the ground! ;)

XLMIC said...

Ha! I am the referee mom... always. Seems like I am the only one who gives a shit that things stay remotely safe... remotely. I am now so good at tai-chi'ing away dirty looks and cranky vibes from People-mag reading, texting moms and nannies :)

Thank you for this public service announcement ;-)

Crystal said...

Love it!! I see this too often and I know exactly how you feel. I think it is even worse when moms let thier under 2 year olds roam free...


Mrs. Quach said...

AWESOME!!! I always feel like I'm the mean mom at the park (or anywhere else that children like to congregate with their "guardians"). "Hey, big kid, stop swearing in front of my 3 year old will you? Hey, you little girl, stop throwing sand in the air!" And my favorite... "Could you stop climbing up the slide while mine is going down?!" YIKES!!! Thanks.. you are NOT alone! All 12 of us support you! :)

Beth@Wiccan Make Some Too said...

Bravo! I remember the days of taking my children someplace, arriving in a great mood & then leaving before the urge to snatch up some other mother's "little darling" takes over.