Well, it appears I will be fat for yet another year.

I spent the bulk of the first two thirds of my life terrified of gaining even one ounce. I went to crazy extremes not to gain weight- eating one small plate of french fries or a bowl of soup...EVERY. OTHER. DAY. I supplemented my low solid intake with copious amounts of coffee, then as I got older, alcohol, and diet pills.

Fast forward a decade, three children, and a love of baking. I know there's still a skinny girl in there somewhere. But the skinny girl had to sleep a lot, and I really have no desire to spend hours on end pumping myself full of vodka, ephedrine and caffeine anymore.

It would also appear that I'm not going to be done breastfeeding anytime soon. That really limits my diet options, as it's super unhealthy for the toddler (can't even call her a baby at this point) can't consume ketones. Since I shot my metabolism in the foot years ago with my desperate desire to maintain a size zero, I just get to stay fat until I can basically starve without harming one of my children.

There's got to be a better way, really. I've tried counting calories. I've mentioned my excess weight to my doctor, who drew me a rather insulting diagram of how calories work. Um, yeah. I KNOW how calories work. I plateau at this weight while breastfeeding. As soon as the child stops breastfeeding, without adjusting ANYTHING, I lose all the weight.

There's got to be a better way to do this, BEFORE I'm done nursing, which at this point according to the toddler, may be NEVER. I'm destined to be fat forever.