Saturday, April 16, 2011

An Open Letter to Idiot Advertisers Who Apparently Use Their College Education to Wipe Their Collective Hoohahs.

Dear Car and Driver, (and any other stupid subscription service that sends out idiot things.)

You sent me a letter. The letter had "SECOND NOTICE" stamped all over the front. I opened it up, of course, quickly, wondering if I'd actually forgotten to pay a bill. This was, of course, the full intention of your letter, which was simply a pathetic attempt to get me to purchase your magazine at a SPECIAL!!!!! DISCOUNTED!!!!RATE!!!!!!!

I didn't forget to pay you. Your magazine is expensive, overrated,and you make millions of dollars on the advertising you fill the pages with. You just made me look like an ass in front of my mail lady, who happens to be my next door neighbor. I pay my bills. Just because you sent me a letter with ONE BIG OPTION-YES!!! SIGN ME UP!!! and I didn't respond, doesn't mean you get to mail-stalk me with dozens of harassing and tree killing envelopes intended to make me look like a deadbeat.

You can take your crappy, aggressive, evil marketing strategy and shove it up your, well, no need to go there, right? Why not try following me on twitter? I'll follow you back, and then you can tweet me your ads. I still won't be interested, but at least no trees will have died in the making of this unwanted ad.

Sincerely and thanks!



Anonymous said...

Oh, I'm so sorry but I was laughing at your title. Maybe I'm horrible but I don't open those things up. We pay our bills and unless it's from the hospital, college, or a utility I just pitch it. But I do know what you're talking about and yes, it is an envirnomental waste. Besides the trees there is all the gas and emissions that goes into delivering that piece of junk.

Suze said...

I am with you on that one!!! It is a big waste and really annoying way to get people to sign up for junk and they wonder why most American are deep on debt!

Had a great laugh reading your post :)

Mrs. Tuna said...

Ah yeah, I've been trying to break up with Practical Horseman for 3 years.

XLMIC said...

Ugh. Just ugh. I can't stand that kind of crap.