Friday, August 27, 2010

Nighttime parenting really isn't my bag.

I have a theory, completely unproven by science or anyone else in the parenting industry.

Wanna hear it? OK!

I think parents are the ones who need to learn to sleep through the night after they have a baby.  I mean, sure, you bring the little one home, and for the first couple of days, they sleep like, well, a baby. Suddenly, post partum day three rolls around, and the little monster's doing somersaults at five am, tiny face screwed up, red as a lobster, and you have honestly no idea what to do.

Inevitably, if you bring this topic up to any parent, any one at all, and they will tell you EXACTLY how they fixed this problem. Some solutions involve hour long semi-neurotic rituals including stuffed animals, books, bathing, massages, and that guy from the Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous reading a lullaby in French. Others involve attempting to keep a baby up for an entire day, period, no naps. In theory this is great. Unless your little bugger decides to get a second wind. Then, there is my personal favorite, the "Sleep Begets Sleep" theory. I actually put the most stock in that one, because it's closest to my own theory. And it's the one that's most difficult, because bright babies don't want to go to sleep. They want to learn.

So here's my theory. Your child doesn't learn to sleep through the night, until one day, from sheer exhaustion, you simply pass out into a stupor so cold, you don't hear him.

Then, he gets bored from non attention, and passes back out on his own.
 What do you think?

I think it happened with at least three children that I know of.

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