Oh my heavens, people, there's nothing wrong with driving to Target and buying a present!

I spend WEEKS thinking about Christmas gifts...months even.

This year, I started-I kid you not- in JULY. July, evidently, is THE time for clearance toys. I filled up a cart and then some, packed the car, leaving no room for groceries, gave myself a nice pat on the back, and went on about my year.

And I have to say, *I* really like the movement to purchase something made by hand by a real person. I've shown you a couple of to-die-for vases on Etsy and I really love Aidan's Monsters, for a great cause.

But that's me. And evidently, it's a LOT of women. Right about now, all the trendy blogs are publishing bits and bangs and blogs about gift giving, responsibly, of course, and by responsibly, I don't mean, not over spending.

 No. There's nary a thought of budgeting among the group.

 No, evidently responsible gift giving means purchasing crap nobody wants because it's responsibly made crap.

Um. Okay.

There's a reason your husband/toddler/tweenager doesn't haunt Etsy.

They don't like flea market stuff. When given a choice between an Elmo doll that squeals like a stuck pig and a handmade fabric alphabet book in modernistic black and white, the Elmo wins.

Hands-freaking-down, people. Every. Single. Time. It doesn't say anything about your ability as a parent, your child is not materialistic, and I've got news for you: If you spend four million hours sourcing handmade hats with furry ear flaps knitted by adults paid a responsible wage in a foreign country plagued by disease, some relative is going to show up with Elmo and make you mad.
 
Now, I'm not saying you should go spend money on something you really have a moral objection to. But there are other ways to spend money responsibly, give to a good cause, and not force your flea market obsession onto your husband. 

You could start with Craigslist, perhaps. As we did for the middle child's jeep.  Christmas morning is going to be especially bright this year, when she sees that. She's wanted it for ages, and we kept within our budget AND spent locally. (Imagine that!)

Without sucking the fun out of Christmas morning.

Gift giving should be about the recipient, not the giver. And believe me, your husband will get more joy out of a newfangled cell phone or whichever Xbox game he's been wanting, then he will out a set of Ernie mittens.

So, here's my new rule of thumb- if you have to give a fifteen minute dissertation on the origin of the present in your recipients lap- something is wrong.

They should open the box and know it's for THEM. Just for them.

Then go reward YOURSELF with a piece of responsibly purchased, handmade-from-recycled-plastic-soda-bottles jewelry. It will make YOU happy.

Coping with Picky Eaters and Food Jags.

If you've spent any time at all around a group of mommies, you've heard of a picky eater. The child who will eat NOTHING but grilled cheese. You see the smiles pass through the group, as each mom recalls at least two seemingly unending months when each child consecutively would eat nothing, nothing at all, but one or two things. The battles, the endless frustration, the fear that said son or daughter would stop growing completely if not fed meal after meal of the same. exact. dish. Prepared the same. exact. way. (No switching out elbow noodles for penne, Mom!)

Personally, I don't buy into it. My little monsters, ahem, ANGELS go through, and get over, their food issues in a relatively short amount of time. I put what I make in front of them, and move on with my life. I like my food hot, and I'm not going to waste time with someone who's not even hungry when I am.

That's right, I said, NOT HUNGRY.

But, it's dinner time!!! (or lunch, or breakfast!)

Children don't have a disfunctional relationship with food. They are born with a clean slate. We teach them to be crazy about food. It's the one surefire way a twenty eight pound toddler can best a two hundred pound daddy. We beg, we plead, we cajole, we make giant asses out of ourselves trying to get the little monsters (ahem, angels) to eat whatever we've prepared for them. And they love it. They love the attention, the show, the way the world stops for them.

Enough, already.

The next time your child refuses a meal, remember a couple of things.

His or her stomach is the size of his or her little fist. Chances are that stomach has crackers, juice, milk, banana, grapes or cookies in it. If you are that concerned that he/she isn't eating at meals, cut off the all day buffet table.

He or she will be LESS HUNGRY as the day goes on. Grown ups have a strange relationship with food. For some reason, we eat our biggest meal at dinner, when we are winding down for the day. Kids, who haven't been psycologically reset yet, eat when they need to eat.

They only need about 40 calories per inch of height per day. Ok, so lets say that's 1000 calories, which is a good average. So in the morning, the little one eats a half of a bagel, (100 calories) a glass of juice (100 calories) and maybe some cream cheese (50 calories). Then at snack she has a banana and a glass of milk (230 calories). At lunch she eats the better part of a grilled cheese, milk, and some apple slices (approx 400 calories). Then, after nap, you offer her some whole grain cookies, and a glass of water. (100) cals.

By dinner, you're having a panic attack because she won't eat. Guess what? She doesn't need to!

At this point, you can enter a power struggle, and reteach her to keep eating when she's not hungry (obesity epidemic, anyone??) or you can smile, and give her veggies with her breakfast from now on so she'll eat them.

At the risk of sounding Grandma, no kid ever starved themselves to death. They are learning their cues from you, so teach them well!

Fathers Everywhere

Dear Fathers/Men Everywhere,

I beg of you, please, please, please do not attempt this on your children. I can guarantee you your wife/girlfriend/child's mother will not like it.

But since it's not MY child, it's pretty freakin amazing, isn't it?